Gosh, 6 months with no feeling, and just like that, all the feeling came back to my body. But, I then lost control of my eye movement. My right eye was stuck and wouldn't move. A second doctor believed I had what he called Partial 3rd (optical) Nerve Palsy. The 3rd optical nerve responsible for eye movement was at fault. To be honest I thought he was making it up.
Proactively he referred me to a neurologist.
My First Teacher
The first consultation was a little confusing as I was unsure what to expect, and somewhat disappointed. We sat through a Q’n’A for half an hour to then be referred to get an MRI Angiogram of the head. the country's only MRI of the time in Auckland. Remember it is 1995, not to mention that Aotearoa New Zealand is a small country made of Islands in the South Pacific.
Just like the numbness, as if by magic the eye issue cleared up prior to the MRI. I remember like it was yesterday. We drove 3 and a half hours to Auckland Hospital. The nurses ushered me into the sterile room. Head strapped in, I was a little claustrophobic by now, I was slid into the machine.
Whirr, thump, the scan was well and truly underway. I describe it as being under a V8 car with the engine running. Whirr, it wound down, the voice of the radiologist reminded me to be still for the next scan. Whirr, thump, thump. After an hour strapped into the machine we drove back to Whakatane, stopping for a burger on the way. A little dazed but fascinated with the experience on the whole.
What will come of this?
As it happens the MRI showed lesions on my brain. Lesions that indicated the myelin sheath of the nerves were scarred. Myelin is the insulating layer, or sheath that forms around nerves. Including those in the brain and spinal cord. It is made up of protein and fatty substances. Myelin sheath allows electrical impulses to transmit quickly along the nerve cells (Myelin, 2021).
I’ll be honest and say that it was good to know why I was experiencing these symptoms. Without more testing the neurologist told me I had Multiple Sclerosis (MS). In the same conversation he advised me against looking at alternatives which he called “faith healing.” He went on to say that there was no cure or treatment.
“chances are you’ll be in a wheelchair by 30 and dead by 40.”
At that moment, the doctor had stripped away any hope I might have had for getting any better. I had been medicalized, I felt like part of the system.
For the record at the time of writing this, I am 46 and in the best health of my life.
A very melancholy drive home after the meeting, I wondered what he meant by faith healing and why it was so bad. If the medical fraternity couldn't help me what harm could it do? Even false hope, was hope nonetheless, right?
I moved home to be with my family again and we embarked on a journey of hope.
I will always see that neurologist as my first teacher. While he is unaware of his true impact, he was the one who created the hope and determination I needed to get through this new phase in my life. I was not going to get stuck in a medicalized trance of hopelessness.
There was no way I was going to be beaten by a system. I just didn't “buy it.”
My immune system went into rapid decline and caught a terrible flu. I remember my mother asking if I wanted to go to the doctor. But, I simply said “no,” what could they possibly do to help me? I hadn’t given up, I simply didn’t see the point in hearing the same news over and over. There must be something out there that could help. After a few days I was feeling a bit better, mum had found a Naturopath nearby so we booked in to see her.
My Second Teacher
Joan became my second teacher. If I Remember correctly she was a retired prison guard with a fascination for wellbeing. A fascination which led to her becoming a naturopath. She used a variety of tools and knowledge to help me, some modern, some from traditional indegenious practices, even a new age fad or two.
One exercise she had to do was spin on the spot. I was to put my arms out and spin once in a clockwise direction and once in an anticlockwise direction. Each day I was to add one rotation in each direction.
During the time that we visited Joan’s office, she took the time to nudge me in the right direction of positive change. She was amazed at the idea that I had MS. Highlighting that I had only 3 or 4 of the accepted 13 or more symptoms. I wasn’t about to argue with the Neurologist or get too upset if it was a mistake. The reality of the situation was that he was doing his job and using the tools and knowledge that he had at his disposal.
Working with Joan I was introduced to exercise, had a diet that was specifically designed for my healing accompanied by supplementation. She taught me that if I take care of my body it can heal from anything.
If you treat your body right it won't get sick at all. The greatest lesson of all.
Wellbeing care versus sick cure.
My Third teacher
My third teacher was a woman by the name of Eileen, a travelling psychic. 19 years old, 6 foot tall and bulletproof. I was always interested in the idea of psychics and had a healthy scepticism.
The physical process was beginning to unlock some of the emotional and spiritual discord. I believe that despite all the positive work, mild amounts of anxiety and depression were beginning to surface, despite all the effort we were putting into my health.
I wanted answers, and it didn't matter where they came from. Eileen unravelled much of what I was holding on to emotionally and spiritually. She was the one who helped me truly understand that there was another way. She opened the door to understanding intuition and the unseen world. The turning point was at the end of the reading she asked “is it MS or ME? they look the same from where I am sitting, so which is it?”
Taken aback, that was the moment I understood what was going on, at a higher level. At that moment, the universe opened and started talking to me. My intuition was ignited. I began to receive the questions I needed to answer, I realised there was possibly an alternative explanation for what was happening to me.
Together these three teachers gave me hope that supported my healing journey: physical, emotional and spiritual.
I have come to understand my journey as sustainable wellbeing. It all begins with hope. Hope that enhances the search for the best balance for you. What worked for me won't necessarily work for you. But you can discover how to share your existence with the world.
Nothing heals in isolation
